K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it glows. i had to have it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
