Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
