Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
