I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
