i don't like sucking hair
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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