the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
