Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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