Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
