Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
