doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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