Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
