Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
