So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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