I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
