That's when you crack a 10am beer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ok first of all what the fuck
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
