Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're like a lot better than the average bears
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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