why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
