Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just tell him i said nine months
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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