Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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