Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
