Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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