Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
