I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
