I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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