When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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