I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he puts the penis in happiness.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
