There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
