so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
