He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
