sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
