It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
