Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
