Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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