that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
