you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
