with your own penis?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
