can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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