Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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