dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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