Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
