i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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