I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
