girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
