i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
