so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
