I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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