you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
