Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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