doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
