Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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