we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
