Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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